[THO] Worship VIII

Worship Pedigree
OK I freely admit it – I am a worshipaholic! I can't get enough of it. I love high liturgy, low liturgy, what is mistakenly called no liturgy, I like almost all of it. There are only three types of worship that don't get me going, low participation worship (special songs, choirs, etc.), thematic worship (usually when everything is meant to serve the teaching) and forced participation worship (hype worship). Other than that I am most comfortable in the midst of worship with my hands held up and my voice raised in song. I love it.

The last message we looked at why we worship. As a worship leader it is important to understand what happens when worship is good. But some of that understanding comes from our own experiences of worship, what I call the worship pedigree. Each of us has one, so in exploring my own I’m hoping to point out a few key lessons, a few highlights and even a few letdowns. So here is my story of worship.

Early Worship Experiences
I became a Christian in the midst of a Pentecostal youth rally. The music was loud and all about surrender. My conversion was a clash of cultures and an encounter with the powerful presence of God. I could not deny it; I could only get on my face before the God I encountered. I came out of a place where I thought I knew something; I was into a lot of spiritual things and felt like I could take on anything. But when I encountered the love of God it completely disarmed me. It was so profound that I would often lose myself in worship, as it seemed to me the only adequate respond to this love.

Worship Pastor
I left my hometown and eventually landed in Ottawa working with a street church. We had a wonderful worship leader named Angela Justa, and we would worship in song for at least an hour at a time in service (usually twice a service). We often met throughout the weeks in our apartments and homes to worship and prepare for street evangelism. In those days I picked up some basic guitar and loved the freedom of being able to worship on my own. Then I was transferred to Mississauga to be the youth and worship pastor for a Foursquare church plant. Those simple Pentecostal songs (and a few Vineyard tunes I picked up along the way) flowed out of me as I learned the art of congregational worship leading. Those were good days, but they were not to last long.

Weight of the World
Soon my world came crashing down on me. Frankly I was released into ministry too early in my Christian walk. I came to the church plant with a strong sense of personal agenda and add to that a growing discomfort with the Pentecostal philosophy of ministry. Needless to say that ministry experience ended badly for me, I was removed from ministry and left wondering what had happened. But in the midst of that time of trial, God drew near. To be honest I was really screwed up. I struggled a lot with old habits, but still God kept coming near. I often would turn to God in worship, just my guitar and I. For me it was then that I learned how to pour out my whole being in worship. I learned how to flee to God when nothing else in life made any sense.

The Vineyard
I discovered the Vineyard not long after that; well it is more complicated than that. I knew of the Vineyard and was convinced it was a cult. So when in the midst of my crash trusted friends kept recommending a Vineyard kingship, I was sceptical to say the least. Not far from the basement I rented there met a little kinship, part of the famous Airport church (pre-Toronto Blessing days). It was the first time corporate worship named my pain and let me sing a real song to God. Despite my misgivings those folks embraced me and began restoring me to health. It helped that I also discovered Kevin Prosch in those days, another refuge in the storm. No matter what else was going wrong in my life I always had worship to come back to. And the thing about the Vineyard, there people who led worship really had something precious. It wasn't about hyping up the crowd nor was it about trying to make something happen. It was worship because that is just what we do; worship for the sake of worship. It happened to be artsy, but not overly complicated. It was emotive but not manipulative. It was honest.

Back to Ottawa
Though my experience of the Vineyard was profound, it was also short lived. I found an excuse to get away from Mississauga, my friends Andy and Angela were planting again in Ottawa so I came back. I did lead worship for them for a very short while, but I was far too broken to really jump back into a ministry role. I started busking and doing handyman work for the Yellow Lady (long story) to pay the bills, I lived pretty frugally in those days. I connected with Ottawa Youth Alive, a praise and worship ministry in the city and ended up at a Baptist church. That Baptist church was a wonderful place for me. I ended up going back to school, completed my high school and started college. I also began doing a lot more worship stuff, in fact I was one of the guitarists for the big national Convention Baptist gathering here in Ottawa, I forget what year but we had Campolo speaking to the youth. Towards the end of my time there I served as a lay minister and recorded a demo tape of my own songs - Frank in Session. Personally I learned a lot about just worshipping. What I loved about Pentecostal spirituality was that space they made for God to show up in powerful ways, especially in their prayer meetings. The only thing that got close to that outside of the Pentecostal movements was worship in song. At least, that is, until I discovered sacramental worship.

Not long after this I met my wife Sharon. We left the Baptist church for complicated reasons (not bad, just complicated) and hooked up with the Vineyard that was just starting up in Ottawa. That was quite amazing and this was when the Toronto Blessing renewal was in full swing, probably the worst thing to happen to the Ottawa Vineyard. We went there in the midst of all this chaos and eventually some immature people pissed my wife off to the point she wanted nothing to do with the Vineyard ever again. I was crushed. I loved the Vineyard, heck I was having a lot of fun with the renewal stuff too as desperately I needed to reconnect with my charismatic side. But Sharon had a better vantage than I that the way this church was a lot of people were going to get hurt. So much as it pained me we left and went to a wonderful local Wesleyan church, we also got married around that time.

I'm going to skip a bit here; basically those years were more about maturing in our relationship than in our worship. But we did lead a listening group at Sunnyside Wesleyan that was really quite cool. But those days were more of holding the ground liturgically.

Coming Home
God brought us back to the Vineyard about three years after we had left. Unfortunately the church, which had sprung up quickly in the renewal, never really established a strong foundation. Too many people who had come out were more interested in their spiritual fix than in really seeing a church planted, at least not the church that the pastoral couple had come to plant. Our friends who pastored that church were simply spent. We came in and asked them to train us up to plant a Vineyard. A few years later we planted Freedom and this is where God began stretching me in worship again.

Training
With a new plant we needed worship leaders. We had a good core of leaders who were passionate about worship. Our policy was we'd let anyone do anything as long as they were ready to have feedback (it still is BTW). Those were great days and I learned a lot. That is where I really fell in love with the Vineyard three crescendo liturgy. But there was another stretch to come.

I also began studying at St. Paul University, a pontifical university. And there I began to understand more of what it meant to worship as a church. The more that I saw the sacramental side of worship; the more convinced I was that we evangelicals were missing something precious. Through a course in Celtic Christian Spirituality I became aware of the power of imagination. Through a course in liturgy I began to hunger for the way that sacraments fed the imagination. I was hooked and started to do little experiments with our congregation. Little things at first, but it grew. And other people were getting excited too. It was like finding a gem that had been lost on the path years ago; we fell in love with our emerging Eucharistic side.

Why I Love Worship
There is something so profound about worship. Worship makes a space for the encounter of God. For me I love to worship, I was just with my new friend Dan in the amphitheatre at school - two guitars, two voices and a whole lot of lost in worship. For me it is life imparting. Whether it is a song or prayer, the psalms or an act. Something about worship reorients my heart and opens my eyes to God's presence. It makes moments sacred. And that is why I am a worshipaholic.

The way I feel about worship, there is no real final destiny, just worship that gets better and better. I am convinced that those who long for worship will be led into the resources for worship. Sometimes from surprising places too. My story of worship is far from complete.  

Next I want to finish up with a reflection on the theology of worship.